Friday, September 30, 2005

Don't blog angry

Just when you think everything is going swimmingly, and you have actually gotten some sleep in the past week, and people are very sweet to you and write nice comments on your blog, and yesterday you even WASHED YOUR HAIR LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN all goes to poo.

I am in a very bad mood, and I have been since I woke up at 5:00AM FOR NO GOOD REASON. Mr. Blogger steered clear at just the sight of me, as well he should. The man knows the signs of Defcon 1.

Breaking the silence over a breakfast of Diet 7-up (me...nauseous and PMSing) and two bananas (Mr. Blogger...distracted by all the eggshell-walking..."I could have sworn I already peeled this...oh, there's the other one"), we proceed with the first fight of the day:

"Did you remember to call your Mom yesterday, AS I REMINDED YOU TO ABOUT 20 TIMES???" (Go on the offense immediately, with a not-so-sly reference to the fact that he never remembers anything unless you remind him ABOUT 20 TIMES...he wasn't kidding about the ADD.)

"No, I was very busy working." (Remind wife of the fact that you are currently the only breadwinner in the house and she should just be thankful and appreciate you, which she really does, but she's crabby.)

"But you had time to call ME!" (Aaaahhh...the foolish comment said in haste. Just as it escapes your lips, you know it will come back to bite you in the ass.)

"So you're saying I shouldn't have?" (Use logic argument which you know will make her even crazier, but hey, this is fun.)

"I told your Mom that you would! Now she's going to think I forgot!" (Guilt is a great motivator...also notice the "woe is me" aspect being nicely played.)



Uttered in hushed tones while walking to the other room...

"Boy, somebody is Grumpy Honey today."



I may need to remind you that this is not a household of shiny happy people in the morning. If you need your drama fix, come on over when either of us is trying to rouse ourselves out of bed, or in a hurry from over-sleeping, or can't find their keys, or is just generally pissed off at the fact that it's morning.

Nighttime? Hey, we're swinging from the rafters over here. Enjoy baking cookies at 3:00 in the morning? You're our kinda people. Want to watch an entire season of Friends on DVD, STARTING at 1:00 AM? We already are. OK, maybe those two examples don't exactly scream "Spouses Gone Wild", but we have our fun.

My best reasoning would be that I don't think either of us ever got over the whole "I'm-old-enough-to-stay-up-all-night-if-I-feel-like-it" phase, so dammit, we do. Just don't expect us to actually get up the next day.

Unfortunately though, we're also old enough to have to pay bills. I did recently suggest escaping to an island and living off the land, but there's no cable. Or 4:00AM Krispy Kreme runs.

So all will be well here at the Blogger Household. MB and I did smoochy-smooch quite a bit before he left for work and he did make me laugh when he called from the Post Office asking how to spell Tucson (god only knows what it finally turned out to be, since he couldn't hear me and all I kept hearing was "S FIRST? OR C FIRST? WHAT???").

...well, provided he remembers to bring home my Slurpee. I better go call him.


Blogger emily said...

ok, i just wrote a REALLY long comment and erased it because i realized that although it's a spin off from your blog I'm going to blog it anyway. Does MB know you're blogging about your fights even though (sorry) but he comes out as the sane one?

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Mother-in-law said...

I just cried with laughter at the two-banana-breakfast! That's my boy!

And Emily thinks *he's* the sane one??? ;-D


3:36 PM  
Blogger kiwi said...

I think blogging/writing was the best idea any of us could have come up with for you. You amuse us effortlessly.
...and scene

I love that line!

3:48 PM  

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