What I Did on Tuesday Night...by Brooke Blogger

1. Made like a good little wifey-poo.

When Mr. Blogger came home, not only had I cleaned up in the kitchen and done all the dishes, which were plentiful, but I made cookies! Then, I made a little cream cheese and salsa appetizer for MB to nosh on while we tried to figure out what to eat for dinner. It's SCARY how good I'm getting at all this domesticity. OK, I hardly greeted him at the door in plastic wrap, but I only do THAT at the spa.

2. Watched The Biggest Loser...While Eating Spaghetti

It's very hard to concentrate on your carb rich food, while the people on TV are doing five hours of cardio a day. I mean, did you SEE what Pete looked like after he'd gone home!! I felt so bad that he was kicked off, because he may have won it all had he continued. MB and I just watched with mouths agape at the"After" pic. He lost 137 pounds people!!!!!!

I wish I could do that. OK, back to my spaghetti...and where are those cookies!

3. Came THIS Close to Throttling My Husband

Now I know MB is a trusting sort, and does maintain a normally delightful innocence about people...BUT ARE YOU CRAZY???

The doorbell had rung and I, being in my jammies already, ran to the bedroom to hide so he could deal with it. Mind you it's nighttime.

I heard him chatting away with two kids at the door, who I assumed were selling something, and I waited for him to do the "thank you, but no" speech I had taught him years ago. I'm not a bitch, but I just don't buy things being sold door-to-door. There are too many scams going on out there.

So what does he do, this accommodating husband of mine? HE LETS THEM IN THE HOUSE. I can hear that they're all sitting around chatting and I am about to scream bloody murder if things take a turn. I also hear them remarking on what a great TV we have. Oh yay!

I'm FREAKING out.

I have to resort to calling for him, even though I'm wondering what they might make off with while he's away. DID YOUR PARENTS' RECENT BREAK-IN TEACH YOU NOTHING??

And did I mention...I'm FREAKING out.

While exhibiting some truly new forms of profanity, I convince him he is insane, and to tell them GOODBYE. He sulks back to the family room, tells them no go on the donation to the local high school football team, and off they go.

(I of course called that school's Athletics Department this morning and surprise, surprise, THEY HAVE NO SUCH FUND RAISING.

I am convinced that our home has now been "cased" for future robberies and/or we're getting seriously egged on Halloween. I'll take the latter, thank you. At least we have an alarm and a very advanced security system from the previous owners. But that doesn't stop me from closing every blind and curtain in the house...and there are a LOT of them.

3. Stopped speaking to husband

After crying my eyes out and using yet even MORE previously unheard of ways of swearing, I just freeze him out. I'm so mad I can't think straight and that's never a good place to be while yelling at your husband.

Well, up until the part where we needed to stick with the every-other-day PROCEDURE schedule. I'm not letting any hoodlums stop ME from having a kid, dammit.

But Mr. Blogger is no longer allowed to answer the door.