Friday, November 11, 2005

In praise of emotional women

Is it POSSIBLE to get through an entire episode of Oprah these days, WITHOUT CRYING?!?! I ask because I'm looking for verification that I'm not a pitiable and pathetic blubbering fool, just your average Oprah-watcher. Perhaps I'm both.

But to make things worse, I even cry now at Ellen! Lately she's given away a car to a needy mom of five, a full set of new kitchen appliances to a little 10-year-old chef, etc. etc. etc. I don't know why I find this tear-worthy, but I can't help it! (Can you imagine what I'll be like when I'm pregnant...I'll just be banned from watching daytime TV in general!)

Thank god Ellen makes me laugh though, or I'd just give up. (And I just noticed that I have already used FIVE exclamation points, and I'm only on my third paragraph. When did I become such a CHICK?)

Yesterday alone, I bawled through almost the entire episode of Oprah. I swear, if anyone on the show starts crying, THAT'S IT. I'm gone. I not only lost it over the family that got a new house, I was whimpering while watching the first grade class at Disneyland.

"Oh they just look so haaaaaaappppyyyyyyy...." sob sob sob.

Is there something intrinsically wrong with me? Yes, yes there is.

My name is Brooke and I am an emotionaholic. (Hi Brooke....)

I once had a boyfriend who used to get SO MAD at me if I ever dared cry, he literally told me I was a freak. Of course, that only served to make me more upset, which led to the waterworks, which led to more fights...

Thank you dear friends, for telling me to dump his ass.

Unfortunately though, that relationship scarred me somewhat to the point where I was deathly afraid of ever being anything less than peppy around most men. Then I realized that's hard to maintain. ESPECIALLY for me.

Mr. Blogger loves me just the way I am though. But then again, he's a "feeler" himself. (You should have seen us watching The Notebook.) We are sooo going to be the old couple still madly in love with each other in the old folks home.

I know I'm not the only woman who gets choked up at both the joy of the new baby panda (and if you don't think that is the cutest thing you've ever seen, well, then I don't know what is), or the tragedy of the Jordanian bomb killing the fathers at a wedding. It's ALL difficult for me to deal with at times.

I don't judge anyone who isn't emotional, far from it. I often wished I could be so. Sometimes it's a pretty huge burden to wonder exactly when you're going to erupt. You read too much into EVERYTHING, you second guess yourself often, and you are so conscious of the feelings of those around you that if anyone ELSE is upset, you feel you somehow caused it.

Every time I blog, I even wonder if I've offended anyone or if anything I've said could be misconstrued. It's a freakin' nightmare at times, people!

But then I realize that there are many women in my life who are the same...M-I-L, Kona Girl, sometimes my Mom (although she's toughened up a bit... in a good way), and probably just about all the Hispanic women on both sides of my family. Except my late boy...was she ever NOT mushy-gushy. Except with her animals.

And I'm often reminding Kona Girl especially, that being emotional means not only being weepy, or sensitive, but loyal and loving.

We aren't all bad. Emotional women are capable of writing books reminding others to be kind. Emotional women are excellent mothers. Emotional women can change the world.

Just look at Oprah.

P.S. We're going out of town tonight to stay with family, meet a friend for brunch and then go to the UCLA game Saturday afternoon. (Woo hoo...stuff to do!) We'll be back pretty late Saturday night, so I may not have a chance to blog. Try to contain your emotions.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Depression, anxiety, genetics, and environment all play a role in how emotional you are. At one point in my life, I didn't think it was weird that I cried nearly every day for joy or grief or that a sad book/movie/story might leave me an emotional wreck for hours afterwards. Years later I was diagnosed with depression, received treatment, and realized at one point it had been months since I had cried about ANYTHING--happy or sad. That felt good. Sometimes crying feels good too, but I'll tell you what, not crying feels great.

9:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too was once on medication due to depression. About three years later, when I went off of it, I realized that during that time I hadn't been reacting emotionally to external events. I now can choke up, get weepy, ecstatic, angry; whatever comes natually. FEELING feels good!

2:21 PM  
Blogger emily said...

damn feelers!

3:51 PM  
Anonymous Mom said...

To the questions I received via Email: I am anonymous #2, and not #1. I've also been told to identify myself from now on. I have a question: why doesn't the identity include capital letters?

4:59 PM  
Blogger sit-slake-stir said...

If you weren't a touchy-feely kind of person then I would have the relationship I have with some of you now. And let it be said that that would be a VERY BAD THING.

I'm not an emotional person on the outside. I don't cry, I rarely smile... but I admire those that do.

Good for you.


7:20 PM  
Blogger sit-slake-stir said...

Correction- I wouldN'T have the relationship I have with some of you now.

Curse me into eternal damnation for that one Brooke.

7:21 PM  
Anonymous M-I-L said...

I soooo love that baby Panda! :*-D Did I tell you how much I love the Pandacam? When MB first left for the US I used to sit and watch the pandacam every day (and cry!) because it made me feel I was somehow keeping in touch with San Diego and the two of you. How's that for an emotionaholic?

Sometimes I wish I didn't - like you - cry at absolutely everything, because it can be embarrassing, and people often seem to think you're some sort of a nut (well, OK I am, but you know what I mean!) but I wouldn't give up feeling for anything! I just wish I could control the 'water-works' a little bit better! :-/

BTW, I cooked Apple Crisp - Millie's recipe - yesterday! Well, actually I adapted it, and put rasperries in with the apples, while leaving out the sultanas, but it was delicious! Our dinner guests said they enjoyed it very much, and they had a good laugh imagining me trying to cram 'sticks' of butter into 'cups' for measuring purposes ;-D So thanks for the translations, Brooke!

6:56 AM  
Anonymous kg said...

oh brookie... i just had a few tears escape reading your goddamned blog!:)~

i think it's okay if we are so emotional because we are AWARE of it, and we know its affect on the people around us... you never would have picked MB, whom we all ADORE, at this point in your life if you knew he couldn't handle all of the WONDERFUL and BEAUTIFUL things that come with being married to a woman who can FEEL so much....

i just had this conversation with a really great friend of mine the other nite... i told him that no matter how many times i watch "Last of the Mohicans", which happens to be one of my favorite movies ever, i always BAWL/hyperventilate at the end when alice jumps off the cliff after uncas was killed.... OMG! i've seen the movie a MILLION times! but she LOVED him, and then he was gone......SHE HAD TO BE WITH HIM, no matter what....

so, i looked at my friend and said, "yep, i'm a crier," while i telegraphed him with my eyes and saying silently, "take it or leave it"..... he looked right into mine and telegraphed back "it might take some getting used to, but i'll take it any day and every day".....

love and aloha XOXO

8:47 AM  
Anonymous kg said...

oops, correction...about our emotions....

we know it's "E"ffect on other people..... and how it "A"ffects those in our surroundings...

gotta be more careful when i blow thru the grammar!;)

8:50 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home