Saturday, November 05, 2005

Love Bug

Can't sleep, yet again, so I figured it was time to get up and blog.

And poor Mr. Blogger hasn't been getting much sleep either since I looked up at the ceiling and saw a GIANT CREATURE (later determined to be a cricket), and woke him up to get it. I had been lying in bed reading and suddenly saw something out of the corner of my eye...can you imagine that thing dropping on your head while you slept?

But rest assured we almost NEVER kill bugs around here and generally just trap them in a glass and set them free outside. See? My love of all beings even extends to the creepy-crawly ones. OK, except ants; I draw the line at those. But spiders are beneficial. Spiders EAT ants.

The circle of life.

So this whole saga reminded me of my old "cricket story" (the judgmental and/or TMI-squeamish should probably look away).

But the way I look at it, this is MY blog, with stories about ME. I've shared everything with MB so rest assured, he doesn't care. And I won't be DETAILED for crissakes, but let he who goeth without sin blah blah blah. It's a pretty funny story as bug stories go.

(I've probably built it up so much by now though, that it shall be HIGHLY disappointing.)

A gazillion years ago, while separated from husband number one, I was sent to a management conference in Palm Springs. It was my first time to go, and I was oh-so-excited at spending the whole weekend discussing "TEAMWORK!"...yes, in all capitals, and yes, with an exclamation point.

All the managers from my company were sent and most brought spouses and/or boyfriends/girlfriends since it was all on the company's dime. Not to mention they had put us up in this all-suite (condos, really) complex that was very very cool. I didn't have anyone to bring at the time, so I had this big living room/kitchen/bedroom set-up all to myself.

When not spending the whole day in meetings, we all went out and had a pretty raucous time. Who knew bank managers could let loose? But get a little liquor in 'em and let me tell you, their employees would have never believed it. (That's what pictures and blackmail are for.)

Being the teetotaler that I am, I just danced and danced, and then made sure everyone made it back to their rooms ok. I had a GREAT time though, so don't feel too sorry for me. And for those who do know me...since when did I need alcohol to be uninhibited?

Afterwards, at around 4:00 in the morning, I sat up in bed in my flannel jammies, reading a book and just generally trying to relax. Right then something ENORMOUS whizzed past my head. Book flying through the air and blankets now thrown about 5 feet away, I slammed the bedroom door behind me and ran out into the living room.

"Front desk, may I help you?"

"I have a giant bug in my room and I was wondering if anyone could come do something about it."

"A what?"

"A giant bug of some sort. I don't know exactly. But I've trapped it in my room and I'm not going back in there."

"So you'd like us to do something about this bug?"

"Well, if you can. Maybe someone has a can of Raid or something? If you just bring that up, I can deal with it."

"Let me see what I can do and I'll call you back. But we're a little short handed right now due to the hour, so it might take a while."

"OK, sorry. I can always sleep on the couch. Don't worry about it." (I was starting to feel like an idiot for even asking.)

A few minutes later...


"Hello ma'am, we have someone who is going to come up and help you with the bug situation." (I'm getting the feeling they all just had a good laugh about it downstairs and then drew straws.)

"OK great."

"But he's just getting off of his shift so don't be alarmed if someone knocks on your door and he's not in uniform." (Who else is going to be knocking at almost 5:00AM?)

So Mr. Bug Killer appeared. And he was really tall. And really cute. And I was in flannel jammies with a washed face and therefore not exactly at my most alluring.

He went in the bedroom to do bug battle, while I sat in the living room and listened to furniture flying and the bed being turned upside down.

He finally got it...just a dumbass cricket.

When he told me that, I was so embarrassed for being such a typical chick, and I thanked him profusely.


"What are you reading?"

"OH, um, well, John Irving. I love his work. Really, just anything he writes. Do you read much? I mean, is there anyone you like in particular?" (I babble when I'm flummoxed.)

"I'm actually in college right now, so I don't have a whole lot of time to read for pleasure. Plus working here as well, there isn't much time for anything really." (I'm calculating the age difference as we speak.)

"I had just gotten back from going out with my friends and thought I'd read a little before going to sleep. Just trying to wind down you know...he he." (VERY nervous laughter 'cause I still can't figure out what Mr. Cute Hotel Man is doing sitting next to me.)

"I should probably let you get some sleep then. Unless you want to talk? Are you tired?"


So we talked....for hours. IN THE LIVING ROOM. Really. He turned out to be a very sweet guy. And a gentleman.

But you can't help but stop and think...there is a strange man in my hotel room and the sun just came up. No one is ever going to believe this. About ME.

Theeeeeennnnnnnnnn...we did a little smoochin'. (That's ALL I'm saying. You guys freaked out when I talked about making up with my husband...wouldn't want you to have an aneurysm at this. OH GOD...the comments I'm going to get...)

And he drove out to see me in San Diego the next weekend.

In the end, he was too young, and we were too far away from each other, but for a while we had fun. It was also a relief to know that leaving my husband didn't mean I would forever be alone. And in a strange way, I think Mr. Bug-Killing Hotel Man was put there, long ago, to help me to realize that something better was out there for me.

So as Mr. Blogger caught tonight's cricket, and I applauded my hero, I thought again about how lucky I was to have him.

But he isn't just my "something better". Frankly, there is NOTHING better.


Blogger emily said...

i've heard this story, full version, already so i can live with what happened, but thank you for telling it so tactfully. personally i'm still waiting for the day you tell the internet about your (full) experience at bunny ranch.

(god i hope your m & m-i-l reads this before you delete it)

8:07 AM  
Anonymous M-I-L said...


There's a 'TOO YOUNG'???

Far away? Yes, difficult. But Too Young? You disappoint me ;-D

And you need to get over your bug terrors before you have kids. It's a stupid fear to pass on, and anyway, what if you have boys and their future wives have a terror of bugs? You'd be depriving some poor young woman of her very own 'bug-catcher in shining armour'!

8:39 AM  
Blogger Brooke said...

I I married someone from the UK...not too far at all! ;) (But a 21-year-old really is too young. Even for me.)

But it's not a "bug terror" really. I'm fine with catching spiders and stuff around the house. I'm not afraid of bugs so much as I just don't enjoy giant flying things over my head while I'm trying to sleep.

And I must say to Emily...first, I will delete nothing. Secondly, it wasn't Bunny Ranch, it was Red Rooster!

And I am NEVER EVER telling that story here.

8:48 AM  
Blogger emily said...

maybe i'll tell it on my website then... this is your chance to put it tactfully and edited, you know how BLUNT i am... besides you know i won't tell it right because i don't remember the details, only the fun parts so i'm going to have to use my imagination...

last chance!

9:16 AM  
Blogger John said...


I can't wait to read emily's installment of your red rooster romance.

Wouldn't it be fun if your blog turned into a series of graphic novellas?

10:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't even get into bug stories because I'm on a break from watching the UA/UCLA game and am in a state of SHOCK. It is now 47-7. I'm going to curl up with Patches and suck my thumb.

5:32 PM  
Blogger sit-slake-stir said...

You should come visit Australia where the bugs are bigger than the children. Fun times.

Sweet story though. Life's too short not to have 'encounters' that make you tickled pink.

Good for you!


7:47 PM  
Blogger kiwi said...

Why Brooke I never would have thought you would do something like that. I'm easily surprised just like when my mom tells me stuff about her past that totally blows my mind. And yes I so want to tell her TMI but she's my mom so I just sit there and listen. Lets just say I'm a saint compared to my mom.

9:59 PM  
Blogger G/\R*E said...

Wow, a cricket Brooke?...well at least you got a hot date out of it. I would like to say that the idea of graphic novellas wouldn't be a bad idea, good job John. If the graphic novellas don't work out perhaps a mini suspense series or something,” ATTACK OF THE 50FT.CRICKET!!!" Well I'm glad you have a bug catcher man of your own that wakes up out of a dead sleep to catch and "sometimes" kill things for you..That’s really special.

12:04 AM  
Anonymous M-I-L said...

Publish, Brooke! Publish and be damned! ;-D

Or I might be forced to tell you some of my past history! Then you'll really say "TMI!"

12:36 AM  
Anonymous kg said...

you never told me the cricket story!:)

i love it just as much as the red rooster story!


9:21 AM  

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