Wednesday, December 28, 2005


Today I am hit by a very somber mood.

The sky is gray and I'm in pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt.

Amy had a miscarriage on Judging Amy, and The Notebook made me cry, AGAIN.

I've sent out resumes to numerous financial institutions and I haven't heard much. Well, I heard that they received it, but not much else. I know, it's the holidays, but I'm still worried. It's my nature.

I got mad at my Mom because she called three times in the space of an hour and I was trying to watch a movie. I feel very bad about that.

I told Mr. Blogger that it honestly hurts me to look in the mirror these days. I can't figure out when I got so unattractive. So I cried some more.

I'm aware of it being about a week to go until this month's attempt results in more wasted pregnancy tests.

I don't feel like washing my hair or cooking or doing anything in particular. Even though I had promised to make more Nuts and Bolts.

I am a slob and a lazy bum, and it bugs the crap out of me. This isn't me. Some sloth-like creature must have taken over my body. And I'm embarrassed for her to greet my husband when he gets home.

This is either one MEAN bout of PMS (in which case I'm all the more depressed) or I really am just that much of a downer. I can't decide which is worse.


Anonymous mom said...

Okay, where to start. You're loved by many for many reasons, the least of which is what you look like in jammies. It's just a down day and you'll get over it - honest. So relax for a day and get more in gear tomorrow. It doesn't have to be immediate or even constant. It doesn't matter with whom you become angry or for what reason. It will pass. I wish you felt about yourself as others who are important to you do. Love you!

3:05 PM  
Blogger Shrinking Violet said...

Oh, honey, you are having a frumpy day. I know how you feel, especially about showering, cooking, or looking in the mirror. Don't beat yourself up...just go with it. Wallow in it and eat Mac n Cheese. Go to bed. Sleep on it.

3:35 PM  
Blogger emily said...

i think it's just this time of year PERIOD.

it just SUCKS.

and the time i feel the worst about myself.

and the time the most suicides take place.

shit happens. shit changes.

4:15 PM  
Anonymous TB said...

We all need days like that every now and then to watch emo tv and laze around in pjs. Go easy on yourself,okay?
You and I are on the same cycle this month, so please e-mail if you need someone who understands exactly what you're going through. I don't buy preg. tests anymore, I just wait for my period to start, then use the extra cash to buy booze :oP

5:12 PM  
Anonymous Jess said...

The last part of the two week wait is always the worst. I'm usually super optimistic until two or three days before my beta. And then I start with the peeing on a stick even though I know it's too early. Then I'm in a horrible mood because of course they're negative because it's way early. But I still feel like crap.

I'm probably not making you feel any better, but I do hope that you know you're not alone.

5:23 PM  
Blogger sit-slake-stir said...

Brooke. I won't piss in your pocket; what I will say is that I think you're fantastic and you know I already tell you this without the knowledge that you're feeling shitty.

I think you should chop off all your hair and do something totally new for YOURSELF. Make YOU feel better. Get your nails done. Buy a new.... whatever you're interested in.

Stay Brooke, and you'll be fine.


7:59 PM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

Yeah...Shrinking Violet is right. Get in there and just "own" the shitty feeling. When you get sick of it is when you'll be ready to pull yourself out of the muck.

I will say this: What felt like the kind of PMS where I thought I might have to kill someone was always early, early pregnancy. careful with yourself.

9:24 PM  
Anonymous V-Grrrl said...

You mean it's not OK to be ugly and sit around at noon in pajamas blogging with uncombed hair and nerdy glasses? Oh no! What will I do instead????

Hey, it may not be PMS. It may be pregnancy hormones. Hormones--friend or foe? When I conceived my first, I thought for sure my period was coming because I felt SO pre-menstrual. When the test came out positive--I was shocked. I really couldn't believe it.

1:56 AM  
Anonymous M-I-L said...

Oh, Brooke! I'm so sorry you're feeling bad about yourself again!

I'm also sorry I didn't get to post a comment yesterday! I feel quite bad if I don't :-( It's like I'm ignoring you or something - Not so! We were with b-i-l, s-i-l & the twins. Home today and being visited by other b-i-l, s-i-l & the other niece!

Hope by now you're feeling better.

Remember that book I sent you a while back, about the lady who was beautiful inside? Well, even when you don't feel you are looking your best, (and remember that some of us think you're a pretty good looking woman even when you don't personally feel it's true) take it from those of us who love you that your internal beauty is obvious to everyone who comes into contact with you! Without make-up, slopping around in jim-jams, suffering from PMS, early pregnancy or whatever. You are a stunner, inside and out! Believe it! If you doubt it, just ask Mr B. ;-D

1:58 AM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Okay - I disagree with several here. I think you should get out and exercise. It always perks me up and the endorphins make you feel better. Go for a walk, or to the gym. Do something physical. Go shopping - that's physical and always makes me feel better!!

5:58 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

I can't possibly add anything more beautiful than the above comments. So I'm just going to drop in my two cents *clink clink* and tell you that I think you're fantastic.

7:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's the weather dude. I came outside this morning and just wanted to go crawl back in bed. Lucky you for getting to wear jammies all day. :)

Feel better ok?


7:20 AM  
Blogger little sister said...

hey, brooke - I think v-grrrrrl is on to something there. Sounds a lot like the way I felt when I was first pregnant with mi hija and didn't know it. Not trying to give false hope, but damn, you sound very down but in such a hormonal way!

Just a guess.

And I still love ya, chica! (even though we just met) you're just way cool...and, hormonal issues or not, that idea to do something nice for yourself is a very good idea :D

9:54 AM  
Blogger Rock said...

I'm telling you this because I have been through it many times - but the job search thing will drive you crazy and its tough to beat it down. Things will be slwo around the holiday period - if you haven't made an inroad before Turkey day then you pretty much have to wait for January - but things can pick up there in a hurry.

But above all you must network network network. Unless you are responding directly to a job you are perfectly suited for on-line sending resumes out is pretty much a waste of time. You must talk to people who will talk to people - and by the way you have to be pretty up to do this.

10:39 AM  

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