Monday, December 19, 2005

There's a reason it's called "work"

Soooo incredibly down today and there's just frankly no time for it. Kona Girl is coming from Seattle this afternoon (to stay overnight), I've been up since 4:30AM and my stomach is completely jacked.

I need to go grocery shopping, do laundry, clean the house and I feel NO motivation to get my ass in gear.

It's not that I'm not looking forward to company (she IS my BFF after all), but I think my IBS has kicked into overdrive due to my massive stress explosion last night. I am so wrapped up in the fact that I need to go back to work SOON, and I even applied for a motherfucking bank manager job on Saturday night. The money would be great, and I certainly seem qualified with the umpty-gazillion years of experience I have in the field, but it just seems like I'm, yet again...STUCK.

I knew this would happen. When I was at our bank on Saturday, as I stood in line and observed everything from a knowing perspective, I suddenly thought, this is it, isn't it? I'm stuck doing this for the rest of my life, because it's where all my experience lies. And unfortunately, seeing as how we're also trying to get pregnant (nothing like stress on top of stress), I don't have the luxury to go take some low-paying-but-at-least-in-my-desired-field kind of job.

Even though Mr. Blogger keeps me in plenty of Heinz Beanz and $70 bras needed for my shouldn't be all up to him anymore. I've been off long enough.

I was just now interrupted by Mom calling and telling me to calm down. She knows how I am when I'm getting all riled up and the last thing she wants is for me to go down the path that put me on disability to begin with. (Did I mention that I used to throw up EVERY SINGLE THING I ate? Not on purpose, but because my stomach was one giant pit of acid.)

She's trying to get me to break everything down, piece by piece, and handle it accordingly. But when I'm like this, it's as though each individual task is the most important issue to deal with and I have lists upon lists of what to do and I worry it won't all get done.

Man, am I coming off like a nut-job or what?

I spent most of the morning looking through more job postings and it is SLIM pickin's out there folks. Outside of the one I've already applied for, I can see maybe a couple other possibilities. The irony is that if I don't get the job, I'll be stressed and if I DO get the job, I'll be stressed. I'm worried about no one contacting me, when in fact, I'm dreading going back to the industry to begin with.


I need to chill the fuck out now though. With my luck, someone will call for a phone interview when I'm in this frenzy. And won't THAT make a lovely impression.


Anonymous V-Grrrl said...

The job pickings are slim because: no one advertises for jobs at the end of the year because most people aren't job hunting at the end of the year and all the budgets are blasted at the end of the year and everyone is thinking holidays, holidays, holidays not work, work, work.

Check the listings on January 2.

My mom always used to tell me to take one day at a time. There were days (when she and my dad were both really sick) when I took my days a *minute* at a time.

Inhale, exhale, hang in there. You are not STUCK. You're in transition.

(P.S. You have the Mighties, I have the Minis. Who has the Middlins?)

12:30 PM  
Anonymous M-I-L said...

Just to pick one phrase from today's blog - "I worry it won't all get done".

This probably won't help, but it just might. Ask yourself what terrible thing would happen if it didn't all get done?

What is the worst thing that could happen?

What about if none of it got done? Thought about that?

Will anyone be suffering? Will anyone be dead?

Then, slowly and calmly, do what you can - and say fuck the rest!

It really can be quite liberating! ;-D

And on the job front, think about 'Transferrable Skills'. You don't have to go back to being a Bank Manager. A good Manager can manage anything - and a good employer knows that! Wait until you see what you REALLY WANT - and grab it with both hands! Give it a 'go', whatever it is!

All you need is to have faith in your abilities and to trust yourself. That's ALL! :-)

12:43 PM  
Blogger #1 Dancer said...

I'm with V and MIL. It sucks and you feel totally overwhelmed with everything (and I bet you didn't even list it all b/c there are tons of things that will come up or that you didn't have time to think of for your list - I know, been there, done that!), but it's gonna be okay.
I just have to say that if my MIL was even half as cool as yours (not only does she KNOW you have a blog, she COMMENTS on the damn thing), I would be in heaven!! Brooke's MIL, can I borrow you???

12:50 PM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

You've already gotten great advice that I don't know that I can add too other than hang in there. If you are spiritual at all then turn it all over to God. He's big enough to handle it all.

No one is hiring right now so don't even look and depress yourself. My SIL just moved in with us and is job hunting.

I used to think I had to do it all. Then I realized that when some things slipped and didn't get done NO ONE NOTICED! Now I do less and less every year!!!

1:22 PM  
Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

If you are from a banking background you could try working for the credit card industry. They like people with banking backgrounds. I don't know what is around you, but usually people post analyst and manager jobs, that I am sure you would qualify for...

Now get your ass in gear and cleanup your house, before your BFF sees all the mess....I am sure she has seen it before, will see it again and still loves you. She would probably even go to the store with you...order pizza, if you are out of food tonight.

1:22 PM  
Anonymous M-I-L said...

OK Dancer! Sheesh! That's another blog on my list to read! ;-D

1:31 PM  
Anonymous mom said...

Since I've already put my two cents in, I agree with everyone else; especially about your m-i-l!

3:22 PM  
Blogger emily said...

What can I say? Yes, you are making yourself look nutty. But it's a perfectionist nutty, like a cute little quirk nutty not like lock her up and throw away the key Gothika style nutty. Then again, nothing you said surprised me either.

But more importantly, I say ANY employer will be lucky to have you. As a former employee turned F-word I can vouch for that. If only we had you back...

3:41 PM  
Blogger sit-slake-stir said...

I need someone to read me to sleep.


If so, you're hired.


3:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OOOH my big boobies think that bra looks mighty fine and mighty comfortable. I might just have to scoot over to Nordstrom on my lunchbreak and check em out.


7:09 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

Job hunting is hard! It's hard and it sucks. It took forever for me to find a job when we moved to Ohio. I turned down a few that I knew weren't right and then I started freaking that I'd never find anything and how could I be so stupid to turn down a JOB...
I agree with V-grrl. And here's my two cents - enjoy the holiday and your visit with your friend. Everyone is on vacation now til the end of the year so just take a hiatus, regroup and pick up again in earnest on January 2.
I'm sorry you're stressed and having stomach problems. Job hunting, TTC, and everything else you've got going on can definitely do that to you.
I hope you feel better soon and have a blast with your BFF.

7:26 AM  
Anonymous MB (the other one) said...

You are not a nut job......or rather, we are ALL nut jobs this time of year, so join the rest of us, and try not to think about the "J" word until after the New are a smart, competant woman, and the right job will find you - hang in there, baby!

8:31 AM  

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