Saturday, December 10, 2005

My Big Fat Job Hunt


Lest I get too cocky and forget about exactly WHY it is that I've been on disability since September (you mean my job isn't just sitting at home all day and writing in my blog???), God likes to kick me in the ass sometimes to remind me.

Last night, the ass, she was kicked.

It's probably because I've been doing a LOT of thinking lately about how I really need to start contributing to this household's overwhelming consumption of cable television and long distance phone calls. My paycheck used to actually be the bigger one and after we get back from our trip to London in January, I need to get with the program.

Or rather, get with the unending treadmill of doom which threatens to envelop me in the uselessness of my not-really-chosen-but-accepted-by-default career.

Can you tell how excited I am to get back to banking?

So I had the full-fledged, knee-knocking, nightmare-inducing panic attack of the ages. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't breathe, and my muscles were so tight that all appendages felt as though they were being twisted like a giant's wringing out of a washcloth.

Everyone tells me I don't HAVE to go back to the bullshit of an English major's attempt at a REAL career. But it's all I got people.

When I look at the job websites, I realize I'm qualified for nothing but this kind of crap, which is all I've done for the last 17 years. (Seriously, for those who know me...I'm going to end up taking that job, aren't I?)

What I really want is this, but they aren't gonna give it to me. I HAVE NO FREAKIN' EXPERIENCE. But I could do it...I KNOW I could.

So in the meantime I have dreams where customers are lined up to berate me, and my staff all threaten to quit and my new boss hates me for no reason whatsoever...oh sorry, that wasn't a nightmare, it was my reality.

And then I physically and mentally collapse.

Help.

8 Comments:

Anonymous mom said...

I want to encourage you to carefully consider before taking ANY job or you'll have panic attacks for another reason. I know, I know, we have to do what we have to do, but reread the first sentence.

9:30 PM  
Blogger emily said...

first of all, i KNOW you weren't talking about us.

secondly, health first. job second. there's no point in risking where you are now if you're not ready.

PRIORITIES WOMAN. how many times have we gone over this? :)

10:18 PM  
Anonymous M-I-L said...

For goodness sake, never mind the size of the paycheck, if you're not ready yet why not take a nice, easy job, perhaps part-time to start with, and get yourself back into things gently?

And then, when you feel ready, if you think you could do - and would enjoy doing - a job like the one you showed, why not contact them and lay it on the line. Say to them, "Although I have no direct experience in this line of work, I am absolutely confident that can do it. I am an English grad (lay it on with the qualifications, and I have (however many) years of experience as a Manager in the Banking sector, and as a result have many transferable skills." You never, know, someone may be prepared to give you a chance, and then you can wow them with your stunning personality and obvious intelligence - and you're in! I reckon it's always worth a go! :-D

1:53 AM  
Blogger Shrinking Violet said...

I haven't had a chance to read all of your archives. I just found you yesterday. But, I gotta say I like your site! So, take it easy on the job thing. I know what it is like to be the primary breadwinner. That is a lot of stress.

9:26 AM  
Blogger kiwi said...

What was the second job? The url didn't work for me? I don't want to go back to work either but for different reasons of course.

11:02 AM  
Blogger John said...

Everyone can alter their resume enough for a job. I have a basic communications degree [well...hopefully...graduation is in May] and I plan on getting into the television and movie business. Behind the scenes, of course. I don't have the experience. But you can bet I will cater to my interviews. Find what you want to do, then figure out how you can do it!

1:17 PM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

I know it all seems overwhelming. Making a living is priority one, but personal happiness has to come right along with it. No job is worth attaining if it makes you miserable. Weigh the options. There is a middle ground...somewhere...I just know it. When you find it, shout. I'd like to find it,too.

3:21 PM  
Blogger Rock said...

Or as Kiss exclaimed "Shout it, Shout It Out Loud".

Bottomline in a job search is to figure out what is out there and network like heck. You may wind up taking something now that gets youback in action (if you want) but then something better will materialize from the seeds you sow now. Sheesh - who am I - Walt Whitman?

5:17 PM  

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