Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Makes you want to sing the Golden Girls theme, doesn't it?


I can't believe how kind and generous you all have been. Well, I can, given that I've gotten to know you all by now. And you're pretty amazing people. What the freakin' hell would I do without you? Through EVERYTHING.

I am still semi-against the begging for baby money thing...but it's nice to know there are people in the world who would even consider donating to such a thing.

Notice I said semi.

But now, I just can't bring everybody down any more. Yeah, I know I've said that before. I'm just feeling like I'm losing you guys with all my pathetic downer of all downer posts these days. (Well, except for the times I get to talk about The Man Who Makes Me Want To Be A Better Woman.)

So here's my attempt at a version of all of your wonderful "100 Things About Myself" postings (there's no way I can come CLOSE to the FANTASTIC things you've written!):

Ten Things I've Learned About Myself, Having Gone Through All Kinds Of Crap Lately:

1. I actually really want a baby...more than I ever realized. But if it doesn't happen, I will be thankful for what I DO have.

2. Going back to work should have been a good thing for me. And it mostly is. Except for when it's Sunday night and I have panic attacks because I'm not good enough. Self esteem is a hard fought battle for me. Always has been. I'm working on it.

3. Having no money on Valentine's Day sucks. But having the best Valentine in the world makes up for it. I honestly have times where I feel guilty for having him.

4. When I wonder why God would want anyone to have four miscarriages, I realize I'm being selfish. I never thought I'd get to that point, but I have seen enough women on various sites telling of far worse. My heart breaks for them.

5. My family and my friends are as important to me as the air I breathe.

6. I can wallow in self pity if I feel like it at times, and no one gets mad at me. That's something everyone should be able to do.

7. When I see injustice... you do NOT want to tangle with me. For someone who is generally known as being "too nice", I will fight to the death for what I believe in. That includes gay rights, animal rights and reproductive rights. I thank Mom for the backbone when it counts.

8. I have much more than others. Not as much as some. I'm ok with that for now, but I won't give up trying for what I want.

9. I know how to love and be loved. I'm proud that I don't hold it in.

10. I really, really miss my kitties. I wish I could cuddle with them when I'm sad. Or happy, for that matter.

To all of you...thank you for being my friend.

20 Comments:

Anonymous m-i-l said...

Not wishing to post a comment longer than the blog, but here goes ;-)

1. I really believe that one day you WILL have your own baby, but yes, you also have two lovely step-children and have built a wonderful relationship with them without even having been allowed to meet them yet!

You must know that the step-parent thing can be as good (ok, and as bad ;-D ) as 'the real thing' from both your and MB's family! Now, in my opinion you're doing a wonderful job as a step-mom, and that makes you a REALLY GREAT mom already! :-D

2. Glad to hear you're working on the self-esteem. And yes, I know how ever many people tell you how wonderful you are you still need to convince yourself! ;-)

3. NEVER feel guilty! You deserve him! I just feel so lucky he has you!

4. There is no god. There's only 'Mother Nature'. And she's a cold, hard-hearted bitch! :-(

5. And you are as important to us! :-D

6. Go you! Wallow! We'll be here for you.

7. FIGHT! And start fighting that 'standard letter' right away! >>:-(

What a great talent, to be such a fighter for Justice, and such a nice person, too!

Yes, you got the backbone from your mom, but as a 'looker-on', albeit without having met your dad, may I say I think you have inherited the very best of both your parents! Lucky you! (And lucky MB! :-D )

8. See above. FIGHT!

9. You are. You do. Be proud! :*-)

10. Get yourself a kitty! My kitties are my 'child substitutes' now my kids have all grown up, and I don't mind admitting it! ;-)

Much love - and pride! xxxx

1:03 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

Brooke, you are such an amazing person. I'm glad that I can count myself one of your friends.

4:55 AM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

You are amazing. #9 got me all sorts of teary.

5:05 AM  
Blogger Arabella said...

(((Brooke)))

Great list!

6:14 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Brooke, you are a wonderful and strong person. Don't ever worry that you're bringing us down with your posts -- your writing is part of who you are, and while I wish you were not going through a rough time, we are here to listen and provide whatever support we can. And write run-on sentences with sketchy punctuation, apparently.

6:19 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

I rarely feel brought down by your posts - I have felt sad for you (not pitying, though,; you are too strong for me to pity you!), and wished there was something I could do to help. So you shouldn't worry that you're depressing us all. Rather, it's been a treat to see you bounce back, tougher than ever! You're so amazing.

And you should definitely get a kitty! Why was I thinking you already had one? I might be thinking of those jumping cat photos you posted from Flickr.

6:22 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

That-a-girl! You don't depress us with your worries. There isn't anything that would keep us away. But we don't like to see you down. You're a wonderful person. Things will get better.

6:37 AM  
Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

#9 is the most important...if you have that, the rest don't matter so much. And you're not bringing us down, you're inspiring us! PLEASE don't stop writing!

7:24 AM  
Anonymous V-Grrrl said...

Wow, finally I get to be PISS instead of being PISSED. I feel all warm inside. : )

Sometimes E-Man tells me my blog is depressing. I tell him it's my blog and I'll whine if I want to. You whine too. If you didn't bitch about four miscarriages, I'd WORRY.

7:29 AM  
Blogger kiwi said...

Don't forget to add in there that you are one of the best managers in the world. :) So sad your not here. Can you pretend that you're my manager for a day and fire this little bitch for me. Send her home crying!

2:12 PM  
Blogger Annie, The Evil Queen said...

Your introspection never uses up all of your compassion. You always have plenty left over for everyone else so I think you should whine all you want. And as v-grrl said, I think we'd all worry if 4 miscarriages hadn't gotten you down. Get the kitty.

3:48 PM  
Blogger sit-slake-stir said...

Pimp Mama,

So I was talking to Diego this morning, about you, and asked him what we could do for Brooke in order to cheer her up.

He told me to buy you diamonds and pearls.

But then I realised that he's going through this whole Prince stage of his life and was just singing along with his headphones on.

He's so bitter these days. I think it's puberty. Pfft!

Diamonds, pearls, Dr Pepper, Mr Blogger, silky hair, self-esteem... you deserve them all.

Because you're you.

And you, are an amazing woman.

Lissa.

5:04 PM  
Blogger Melanhead said...

Oh my God, I fell out of my chair reading that delicate poem. It's like Deep Thoughts from Saturday Night Live - the good years (think late 80's early 90's).

6:51 PM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

I'm more of a Deist when it comes to God. I believe there is something out there, but an all-powerful being can't get credit for being "sad" with his/her creations when they experience tragedy--if the same God is truly capable of changing things. Two women have breast cancer and both have children. One lives and one dies and there are people out there who think God interferes in one life and not the other. Or that God caused one death and caused the healing of the other. I don't think so.

We're created and we live with free choice. Things happen or they don't. It's all timing and opportunity. It's the path of the tornado.

You will bear a child or you won't, but it won't be anything that God allowed to happen...unless by "allowed" we mean that God put us here, set the world to spinning and watched creation take shape, change and begin again.

You are worthy of friends and love. You don't lose any of us as you express your feelings of doubt or joy or pain.

I believe something will come of all of this. I wish I knew what it was, but something will.

7:21 PM  
Blogger No name said...

A friend in my "real life" has been having a tough go of it and all I could tell her was this: This is your path. Stick to it. It may be hard and you will be tested but it's *your* path because a lesser woman couldn't handle it. You were chosen for this because you ARE strong enough.

7:48 PM  
Anonymous mom said...

You know how I feel about all that you've had to go through and that I admire the intelligence and compassion of the comments on your blog. You know I love you no matter what. And I'm not the only one.

10:44 PM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Please go look in the mirror and repeat some Stuart Smalley affirmations:

"I am nice, I am a good person and doggone it, people like me!!!"

Love ya!

1:14 PM  
Blogger G/\R*E said...

You are as great to us as you think we are to you! Always remember that.

Gary

2:08 PM  
Blogger The Queen Mama said...

Principles, schminciples...blog for cash!

Hey, you never know if the coins will clink in unless you put out the hat, right? Doesn't have to be for good if you hate it...

And I'm so glad you have a rock-solid relationship. It's a thing of beauty.

God bless, honey!

7:56 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

I like what tigerlily said. I've thought that way as well, and it is so obvious in your case. You've handled your life setbacks in such a strong, healthy way that I admire so much. You are a hero.

(And that poem! I have to read it again to commit it to memory.)

9:30 AM  

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