Monday, March 06, 2006

The good the bad and the gorgeous


By somewhat popular demand, I am going to go ahead and do a highly random recap of last night's festivities. I'm slightly depressed, so it may be colored by that. (And my resulting M&M's consumption.)

Yes my darlings, Brokeback lost. Well, not entirely, but it lost Best Picture, which was the big enchilada. It did win Best Screenplay and Director, so that was nice. Hmmmm...we liked the story and the way you filmed it, but weeeeeeeellllll...we gave Best Picture to Crash.

Huh???

But I really shouldn't bag on Crash since I haven't seen it. Maybe because it takes place in L.A., I felt it would perhaps hit a little too close to home? I don't know. I'll get around to it when I come out of mourning.

So on with the show (I didn't take notes, so this is going purely on memory and thus not in order)!

1. Latinas rule!

My fellow Hispanic ladies were ROCKIN' the gowns last night. SERIOUSLY, could Salma Hayek, Jessica Alba and (ok, even though I don't like Ms. Lopez, I have to give her credit where credit is due) Jennifer Lopez have been any more beautiful? When I was growing up and wanted nothing more than to be tall, thin, blonde and blue eyed (basically I guess your standard Charlize Theron or Nicole Kidman), I never thought I'd see a night that it helped to be short, dark and voluptuous (like ME!).

(OK, in all honesty I also loved loved loved Keira Knightley as well, but I'm trying to make a point here...)

The hair was stunning, the colors were magnificent and for the love of God...they had FIGURES!

Salma...you little five foot nothin' ball o'curves...can I please be YOU now instead?

Mom's during-the-show phone call: "What's up with seating all the Latinos together? Did they think they'd all want to speak Spanish to each other or something?"

2. I happened to LIKE Jon Stewart

I've read some iffy reviews of his hosting abilities, but I thought he was perfect. You can't be too terribly snarky at this biggest awards show on the planet, but he did get in enough of his personality to keep it from being a complete snooze-fest. It wasn't his fault that all the awards were fairly predictable.

I thought the opening was freakin' hilarious. Especially seeing his joy over having George Clooney in his bed. Or Billy Crystal and Chris Rock in the tent. Hehehehe!

How about "And we never had those problems....AGAIN." And his "Next, the Oscars salute montages. We have literally run out of film clips!" comment was EXACTLY what I was thinking...what WAS up with all the montages? Was it a big year for film noir and no one told me? And wow...in movies...sometimes actors play REAL PEOPLE. Fascinating.

Mom's during-the-show phone call: "What was Lauren Bacall introducing? I was on the phone. Oh, film noir? I wondered why they were showing scenes from all my favorite movies!"

3. George is God

Speaking of Mr. Clooney, let's just go ahead and crown him King of the Prom. He was freakin' GORGEOUS, classy, articulate AND funny. What more could we ask for? His talent impresses me to no end. Who knew?

Mom's during-the-show phone call: "Well, I was very happy for him. I enjoyed his speech immensely. It's important to mention these things!"

4. It IS hard out here for a pimp



Perhaps even more than my audible gasp over Crash winning, my almost dropping the champagne glass of sparkling apple cider (doin' it up RIGHT here people!) when Three 6 Mafia won for best song...was the most unexpected moment of the evening. Don't get me wrong...I thought it was fantastic! Anyone that excited to win is A-OK by me. Sometimes we need a little shake-up.

Oh, and I've had the damn song stuck in my head all day.

Mom's during-the-show phone call: "Wasn't that nice for them!"

5. Don't mess with Meryl

I am now going to totally steal this entire section from MSN Entertainment's Kim Morgan because she is SO on the money:

Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep Rule
Look, there's a reason these people are actors: They like to perform. And though we don't expect Oscar-nominated actors and presenters to act like barking seals (it is, after all, their moment to be somewhat human), we love it when they get on stage and entertain us. This is exactly what Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep did when announcing Robert Altman's Lifetime Achievement Award. Discussing the legendary filmmaker's career in Altman-esque overlapping dialogue, they managed to not only explain just why Altman deserved this accolade but illustrated what makes him so unique. And it was hilarious. We know Tomlin is a comedienne, but who would've thought Meryl Streep could steal the show from Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell and Steve Carell in one fell swoop? Guess there really is a reason she's been nominated for 13 Academy Awards.


And didn't she look FAB as well?

(Mom forgot to call. I was shocked because she loves Altman. Maybe she was too busy actually watching.)

6. Yes Reese, you're cute as a button

I also didn't see Walk the Line, but from what I've seen, she deserved Best Actress. And she is a little firecracker who seems to have her priorities straight.

But didn't you KINDA want Felicity Huffman to win one for the old gals?

Mom's during-the-show phone call: "Well, I liked Felicity."

7. WHAT THE FRICK WAS UP WITH PLAYING THE MUSIC WHILE THEY WERE GIVING THEIR 'THANK YOU'S???

'Nuff said.

Mom is equally annoyed.

There's more to say about the genius of Philip Seymour Hoffman and Ang Lee and the wonderfully haunting score from Brokeback Mountain...but I leave you with these sage words:

"Crash just didn't touch me like Brokeback did."

You got it Madre.

20 Comments:

Blogger No name said...

Gasp! I'm the first to comment?! This is a great post! So funny. So on the money. And by gawd would I like to have a few drinks (yes, apple cider) with your Mom and you! :o) Thanks for the recap.

10:03 PM  
Anonymous mom said...

I have always enjoyed talking to you since you're intelligent, articulate and sensitive to others. The same has also been true of your writing. Both have always been on the high end of the curve appropriate to your age. So, it is especially odd to see myself being quoted in your blog. The blog is my opportunity to relate in lieu of a conversation, which we don't have as often since you've been back to the salt mines.

As ever, you got it all right, even the "Pimp" song I can't get off my mind. Go see or rent the films you missed so you can compare for yourself.

I'm going to see "Laura" again as/in homage - but with champagne.

10:54 PM  
Blogger Brooke said...

My mother, ladies and gentlemen.

Lovin' both me AND the "the 'Pimp' song". :D

10:59 PM  
Anonymous mom said...

What I thought was SO important that Clooney said was that being out of the standard loop [as in Los Angeleno-Hollyweirdos] is good sometimes, especially when it touches on significant issues. Yea for his being articulate! (I'm so misquoting.) Could this be a reason the Academy voted for "Crash."

And the Altman tribute: perfection; so I didn't need to call, as I knew you'd know it too.

11:15 PM  
Anonymous Brooke's M-I-L said...

Great post! Journo's are getting paid for writing less entertaining reviews than our Brooke! :-D

And I reckon mom should start a blog next ;-D

12:34 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

That was the best Oscar recap so far!! Ever Perez didn't get as many laughs from me as you did! Rock on Brooke!!!

6:08 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

I feel so lame. I didn't watch the Oscars. However, I will say that Salma Hayek is totally gorgeous and I'd love to have just a tiny smidgen of her sex appeal.

7:03 AM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

Thanks for the recap, because I stopped watching after seeing Tom Hanks' hair. *shudder*

9:39 AM  
Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

Personally I think they didn't give Jon Stewart enough airtime.

I LOVED Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin, though...It was worth staying up just to see them!

Yes, those of us on the East Coast actually have to struggle to stay awake for the whole show...You Californians have it easy!

11:01 AM  
Anonymous V-Grrrl said...

Well Brooke, with your recap, I felt like I was there.

Fun!

11:08 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

Nice recap. I, too, was disappointed to hear that Crash won (and I saw it! Meh ...).

Lauren Bacall had me so upset, because of her reading. Do you think she needs glasses and is too vain to wear them? I had to watch through my fingers; I half-expected her to collapse. Next year, she should watch from her living room instead.

I cannot get that damn Pimp Song out of my head. Aieee!

12:54 PM  
Blogger Annie, The Evil Queen said...

I missed the awards as we were taking all the grandparents out to dinner but now I feel like I have all the important moments summed up. I love Meryl. If you've never seen Postcards From The Edge, rent it and prepare to laugh yourself silly.

2:32 PM  
Anonymous Wendy said...

LOVED this recap - I am so with you on Prom King George - oh man...boy makes me weak in the knees - he is like 'old world movie star handsome'... found you through Mom/Ma'am/Me - great blog!

4:14 PM  
Anonymous TB said...

I could not agree with you more, except I thought Jessica Alba was too skinny. Everything else, right on though. Salma is caliente. I'm not gay and I'd like to make out with her.

And I love your mom's comments. How fun that you guys stayed on the phone the whole time. That is awesome.

6:11 PM  
Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

I liked Jon Stewart too. I agree, how far can you go in 30 seconds. I laughed, hard, at the campaigning for sound editing...can't we get someone who edits at 40 bps, finally! Oh, and the Russel Crowe comment about, "Yeah, imagine how hard it is for the makeup guys to make Russel look like he's been in a fight."

I was sad Brokeback did not win, Crash, just did not have all the pieces Brokeback did.

I loved that they turned the microphones off on people, kept the length reasonable.

5:11 AM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I thought it was pretty zzzzzzzz, boring. I didn't think Reese was Oscar worthy. Jessica Alba's hair was gorgeous!

5:49 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

See? THIS is why I don't bother watching the Oscars. Because I know fabulous people like you will recap it for me, cutting out all the garbage I don't need to know about. You rock! George Clooney... hubba hubba.

8:19 AM  
Blogger V said...

I liked Jon Stewart too....he was just entertaining enough without trying to steal the show or something. Totally agree about the montages....little OVERKILL.
Lol...prom king! :)

8:30 AM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

Where oh where are you, Brooke? Long time..no hear.

Brooke's Mom- I own two copies of "Laura". I also have a copy of the book by Vera Caspary. I know so much of the dialogue because I watch it quite often. When I'm painting, I pop it in the DVD player and I can hear Clifton Webb say, "Laura, I cannot stand these morons another moment. If we don't leave now I shall run amok!"

11:49 AM  
Blogger Rock said...

You got that "Reese is a cute as button" from me didn't you?

12:05 AM  

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