The good the bad and the gorgeous

By somewhat popular demand, I am going to go ahead and do a highly random recap of last night's festivities. I'm slightly depressed, so it may be colored by that. (And my resulting M&M's consumption.)

Yes my darlings, Brokeback lost. Well, not entirely, but it lost Best Picture, which was the big enchilada. It did win Best Screenplay and Director, so that was nice. Hmmmm...we liked the story and the way you filmed it, but weeeeeeeellllll...we gave Best Picture to Crash.

Huh???

But I really shouldn't bag on Crash since I haven't seen it. Maybe because it takes place in L.A., I felt it would perhaps hit a little too close to home? I don't know. I'll get around to it when I come out of mourning.

So on with the show (I didn't take notes, so this is going purely on memory and thus not in order)!

1. Latinas rule!

My fellow Hispanic ladies were ROCKIN' the gowns last night. SERIOUSLY, could Salma Hayek, Jessica Alba and (ok, even though I don't like Ms. Lopez, I have to give her credit where credit is due) Jennifer Lopez have been any more beautiful? When I was growing up and wanted nothing more than to be tall, thin, blonde and blue eyed (basically I guess your standard Charlize Theron or Nicole Kidman), I never thought I'd see a night that it helped to be short, dark and voluptuous (like ME!).

(OK, in all honesty I also loved loved loved Keira Knightley as well, but I'm trying to make a point here...)

The hair was stunning, the colors were magnificent and for the love of God...they had FIGURES!

Salma...you little five foot nothin' ball o'curves...can I please be YOU now instead?

Mom's during-the-show phone call: "What's up with seating all the Latinos together? Did they think they'd all want to speak Spanish to each other or something?"

2. I happened to LIKE Jon Stewart

I've read some iffy reviews of his hosting abilities, but I thought he was perfect. You can't be too terribly snarky at this biggest awards show on the planet, but he did get in enough of his personality to keep it from being a complete snooze-fest. It wasn't his fault that all the awards were fairly predictable.

I thought the opening was freakin' hilarious. Especially seeing his joy over having George Clooney in his bed. Or Billy Crystal and Chris Rock in the tent. Hehehehe!

How about "And we never had those problems....AGAIN." And his "Next, the Oscars salute montages. We have literally run out of film clips!" comment was EXACTLY what I was thinking...what WAS up with all the montages? Was it a big year for film noir and no one told me? And wow...in movies...sometimes actors play REAL PEOPLE. Fascinating.

Mom's during-the-show phone call: "What was Lauren Bacall introducing? I was on the phone. Oh, film noir? I wondered why they were showing scenes from all my favorite movies!"

3. George is God

Speaking of Mr. Clooney, let's just go ahead and crown him King of the Prom. He was freakin' GORGEOUS, classy, articulate AND funny. What more could we ask for? His talent impresses me to no end. Who knew?

Mom's during-the-show phone call: "Well, I was very happy for him. I enjoyed his speech immensely. It's important to mention these things!"

4. It IS hard out here for a pimp



Perhaps even more than my audible gasp over Crash winning, my almost dropping the champagne glass of sparkling apple cider (doin' it up RIGHT here people!) when Three 6 Mafia won for best song...was the most unexpected moment of the evening. Don't get me wrong...I thought it was fantastic! Anyone that excited to win is A-OK by me. Sometimes we need a little shake-up.

Oh, and I've had the damn song stuck in my head all day.

Mom's during-the-show phone call: "Wasn't that nice for them!"

5. Don't mess with Meryl

I am now going to totally steal this entire section from MSN Entertainment's Kim Morgan because she is SO on the money:

Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep Rule
Look, there's a reason these people are actors: They like to perform. And though we don't expect Oscar-nominated actors and presenters to act like barking seals (it is, after all, their moment to be somewhat human), we love it when they get on stage and entertain us. This is exactly what Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep did when announcing Robert Altman's Lifetime Achievement Award. Discussing the legendary filmmaker's career in Altman-esque overlapping dialogue, they managed to not only explain just why Altman deserved this accolade but illustrated what makes him so unique. And it was hilarious. We know Tomlin is a comedienne, but who would've thought Meryl Streep could steal the show from Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell and Steve Carell in one fell swoop? Guess there really is a reason she's been nominated for 13 Academy Awards.

And didn't she look FAB as well?

(Mom forgot to call. I was shocked because she loves Altman. Maybe she was too busy actually watching.)

6. Yes Reese, you're cute as a button

I also didn't see Walk the Line, but from what I've seen, she deserved Best Actress. And she is a little firecracker who seems to have her priorities straight.

But didn't you KINDA want Felicity Huffman to win one for the old gals?

Mom's during-the-show phone call: "Well, I liked Felicity."

7. WHAT THE FRICK WAS UP WITH PLAYING THE MUSIC WHILE THEY WERE GIVING THEIR 'THANK YOU'S???

'Nuff said.

Mom is equally annoyed.

There's more to say about the genius of Philip Seymour Hoffman and Ang Lee and the wonderfully haunting score from Brokeback Mountain...but I leave you with these sage words:

"Crash just didn't touch me like Brokeback did."

You got it Madre.